Most of the times, we are quick to blame others for our woes, but the truth is that in most cases we are the one responsible for our failures.
There are things we can kill others for if they try it on us, but we freely do the same things to ourselves. I mean you do the same thing to yourself.
How do you feel when you know someone hates you? How do you feel when you know someone doesn’t believe in you? How do you feel when someone looks down you? How do you feel when someone tells you that you are not good for anything? How do you feel when someone says you are lazy? How do you feel when someone says you won’t amount to anything in life? The questions go on and on.
I know you would say you won’t be happy or like it if someone treats you in any form that relates to the above questions, but do you know that you treat yourself this same way? Most often, you don’t believe in yourself. You tell yourself you can’t amount to anything in life, you call yourself a failure, you see yourself as nobody, and you hate yourself. The truth is that by treating yourself in any of these ways, you have made yourself your own enemy.
The purpose of this article is to delist you from the ranks of your enemy. If you believe in yourself, if you support yourself, and work for your own interest, the external enemies can only do very little to stop you, but if you ignorantly join their ranks by pulling yourself down, then you are dead already.
The ways to stop being your own enemy include the following:
1. Stop Doubting Yourself
There are many things you should have done with your life, but because you think you are not up to the task, you have remained at the same spot for long. The truth is that if you believe in yourself, you can do the unimaginable. One of the ways you have being standing on your own way is by doubting yourself. You are too afraid that you would fail if you try, due to that you end up doing nothing. Even when you try, you ended up a failure because you have programmed your mind to fail. Your thought of failures turns out to be your self-fulfilling prophecy.
You have to start believing in yourself. Generally most people won’t believe in you. They will tell you that you are not up to the task, they will tell you your idea sucks and that it won’t work. Why enlist yourself in their ranks by doubting yourself too? The most important requirement for success in life is faith in yourself; the belief that you are up to the task. If not you who else? Remember that those who are doing it don’t have two heads. The only factor that differentiates you from them is that they believe in themselves. Henry Ford said, “think you can, think you can’t either way, you are right.” You have to believe in yourself, and keep doing so even when no one else does.
2. Stop Hating Yourself
If I may ask you, do you like those who hate you? The truth is that we are generally not happy with those people who hate us. Our default desire is that we should be loved. We often categorize our haters as enemies. Now over to you, do you love yourself? Hating yourself is one of the ways you enlist yourself in the ranks of your enemies. You don’t see anything good about yourself. You see yourself as one who is useless and worthless. You even hate yourself to the point of contemplating suicide. Now, for how long will you continue to hate yourself? For how long will you constitute your own enemy?
You see, everyone has made mistakes, everyone has failed at one point or the other, everyone has experienced disappointments, we have all had our worst moments, but life must keep going. You don’t have to continue in safe-hatred. No matter what mistake you have made in the past, no matter what you have been through, no matter the quantity of dirts that life has thrown at you, you have to forgive yourself, forgive those who have hurt you, and shake off everything that life has thrown at you. You are your own doctor, you have to heal your emotions, get strong and keep moving. Don’t join the ranks of those who hate you, chose to love yourself unconditionally. It will be difficult for you to succeed if you don’t love yourself.
3. Stop Looking Down on Yourself
Do you like it when someone looks down you? People look down on you when they feel you don’t have all it takes to accomplish certain task, or not worthy of certain recognition. Personally I hate it when someone looks down on me, and I am sure you do. Are you not looking down on yourself? Any time you feel you don’t have all it takes to accomplish certain task you are looking down on yourself. Any time you feel that only certain set people have all it takes to succeed at certain endeavor, but that you don ‘t have all it takes, then you are looking down on yourself. You need to start respecting yourself. You need to start valuing who you are. You are unique, you are talented. There is no one in the world that is exactly like you. You are designed to do things in a way that no one else can. Charles Gordon said, “If he (God) took the time to give each of us unique finger prints and individualized DNA, then he has a purpose for each of us which no one else can live out.” Make effort to work on yourself, and keep improving. “The largest room on earth,” they said, “is the room for self-improvement.”
Always try to keep being better version of you, because there is no limit to personal growth.
4. Stop Blaming Others for Your Misfortunes
One of the ways you enlist yourself in the ranks of your enemies is by blaming others for your problems. It is true that it is possible for people to have contributed to the ills in your life. If that is the case, you don’t need to keep blaming them. By doing so, you are giving power to something you can’t control. Doing so will weaken you emotionally, and make you feel helpless. Feeling weak and helpless will consequently lead to frustration and depression. When you find yourself in this state of mind, succeeding becomes difficult.
To right your wrongs, you have to forgive those who have contributed to your failures. You have to put the past behind you. Somehow, if you take a close look at your life, you will find out that you are a major contributor to your own misfortunes.
Having realized this, choose to accept responsibility for how things are in your life. By accepting that you are responsible for all that has happened to you. You are agreeing to fact that you created your current reality, and that you can recreate a better you and conditions in the future. This perspective puts you in a calm mood, boosts your inner power, and positions you to build a life you would be proud of. It offers you the opportunity to say like Williams Henley that, “I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul.”
5. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
People are already comparing themselves with you. They are already judging you based on how your life is currently. Most often, because you haven’t achieved much, they tend to treat you as an inferior being, attach less importance to you and show you no respect. By joining in comparing yourself, and seeing yourself as they see you, then you have enlist yourself in their ranks. Doing so makes you your own enemy.
If there is any good you can do to yourself, it is learning never to compare yourself to others. Comparing yourself to others is a destructive practice. The truth is that most of the times when you compare your achievement with those of others, your judgment tend to be bias. You will likely get it wrong in two ways, first by your yardstick of comparison and second in your conclusion.
When you compare yourself to others, you tend to get either of these two emotions; the emotion of pride, and emotion of failure. The former would make you think you have arrived, while you are nothing but a local champion. And the latter would make you see yourself as a failure, a perspective that can lower your self-esteem and heighten your self-doubt.
Robert Elias Najemy, the author of “universal philosophy” put it this way in his book,
“as long as we measure our worth in terms of what we do, and even worse in terms of what we do in comparison with what others do, we will continuously oscillate between the feeling of pride that we are better or guilt that we are worse than others.”
When you compare yourself to others, you are liable to lose focus because of the temptation to catch up with the person you are comparing yourself to. These can make you abandon your dream and start living someone else’s dream. The only thing you can ever achieve for doing so is being a successful failure. You will get to the top of the ladder of success and find out that you have climbed the wrong one.
Instead of comparing yourself with someone else, know exactly what you want out of life and make effort to achieve it. Let your comparison be based on how much progress you are making in relation to where you were, where you are now and where you are going.
Compare yourself with only yourself. A friend of mine, Olowu Olumide said, “I look in the mirror and see my only competitor.”
Mary Mary Schmich advises, “Don’t waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you are ahead, sometimes you are behind. The race is long and in the end, it’s only with you.”
In conclusion, do everything to support yourself, do everything to believe in yourself, do everything to inspire and encourage yourself, do everything to keep moving and do everything to succeed.
Welcome to 2017, I wish you a happy New Year.
Live consciously and take charge of your life.