“Love is a gift of nature, but trust must be earned”--- The law of trust
Onome (not her real name) was wooed by a handsome young man. She told him she already had someone she was dating. The young handsome man asked if the person she was dating resides in the same city. She answered no. The handsome young man in an attempt to persuade and convince her asked how sure is she that the so called guy is not dating another lady where he resides, a statement made to burst Onome’s confidence in his boyfriend. To the surprise of the young handsome man, Onome said, though he’s not with me, but I know what he can do.
So many people have failed in long distance relationship because they are not able to play by the rules that are critical to the success of a long distance relationship. In this post, I am going to show you eleven basic things you should start doing that will make whosoever you are dating now have total trust and confidence in you, even when you people don’t reside in the same city.
1. Be Transparent
The word transparent means easily understood, or see true. It also means free of deceit. You are transparent to your partner when you show to him that you have nothing to hide. We generally believe that when a person is trying to hide something, then there is something he or she is doing that he doesn’t want other people to know. You are not transparent when you don’t allow your partner to have access to your mobile phone, you are not transparent when you have to move to a corner to receive phone call, so as not to allow him or her to hear your conversation.
When you do any of the above, you have started planting the seed of doubt in your partner. He or she will start wondering about what you are trying to hide. That will consequently lead to mistrust.
2. Don’t Tell Lie
One of the ways people destroy their partner’s trust is by lying. You might have been telling the truth all your life, it takes only a second of a bursted lie to ruin the trust and reputation your honesty has earned you over the years. Some of the possible lies that can destroy your relationship include the following: lying about where you are at a particular time, being on a date with another guy, and telling your partner on phone that you are in your bedroom, telling your partner you have stopped calling your Ex, only to still be getting in touch with him in reality.
One thing you should know is that some persons are very inquisitive, even when they have no reason to doubt you, they still want to find out if what you said is the truth or not. It may take them a very long time to unravel the credibility of your claims, but they won’t give up. They will test the consistency of your claims, they will make enquiry about your claims. If you are a fake person, no matter how smart you are, you will be caught.
If you are not ready to be truthful to your spouse, then you are building your relationship on a faulty foundation. Lies destroy trust and lack of trust can lead to a break up with your partner.
3. Don’t Double Date
Jealousy is part of the human nature, and it is more intense when it comes to the game of relationship. Most people don’t subscribe to sharing who they really love with someone else. When you are dating a person, and give him the impression that he or she is your “one and only,” but because you don’t live together, you started dating someone else just to catch fun. When you do so, you are actually playing with fire as far as your relationship is concerned. You want to it your cake and have it. The problem with such game lies in the possibility of getting caught by your partner. If you are caught by your partner, that may be the end of “Solomon Grandy” for your relationship, ‘cause he or she may find it difficult to trust you and consequently call it quit. He or she may end up forgiving you, but his or her trust for you when both of you are not together would definitely be eroded.
4. Be careful How You Relate with the Members of the Opposite Sex
How you relate with members of the opposite sex has a way of influencing your partner’s trust in you. If you are the type of person that always goes about in the company of the opposite sex, your partner may start getting worried if you are really faithful to him or her. There are chances that he or she will start suspecting that you are having affair with any of the people you are moving with.
It gets worse when many of your opposite sex friends have your phone number and keep calling you regularly, no guy will feel comfortable seeing his or her partner receiving consistent calls from the member of the opposite sex. When you do that often, mistrust will start setting in.
5. Let Him Have Access to Your Phone and Social Media Accounts
This is not really compulsory but it is the easiest way to earn unshakable to trust from your partner. By allowing him or her to have access to your phone and your social media account, you are giving him the impression that you have nothing to hide from him or her. Transparency displayed in this manner breeds trust.
6. Call Him Regularly
One of the powerful pillars of relationship is communication .In a long distance relationship, when you call your partner regularly; you give him or her the impression that you are always thinking of him, a feeling that makes him see himself as important to you. He would believe you have his interest at heart and that you care so much about him or her. This little gesture of regular calling breeds trust. When you fail to communicate with your partner regularly, he or she will start wondering if you have started seeing someone else. He would want to know what is taking your attention away from him or her.
7. Make Effort to Resolving Conflict When There is Any Misunderstanding
Misunderstanding is part of every relationship. The problem and challenge is not that you and your partner have issues, what matters is the ability of the two of you to come together and settle your dispute.
You will earn the trust of your partner if you always make effort to ensure that the conflict between you and your partner is resolved, but if you are the type with "I don’t care attitude," even when it is obvious that you are the one at fault but always unwilling to say sorry or make effort to resolve conflict between you and your partner, you are giving your partner the impression that you can do without him or her, that she’s not important to you. When you keep doing this in a long distance relationship, your partner will start suspecting there is someone else you are seeing that is giving you the guts to be acting the way you do. This may eventually destroy his or her trust in you.
8. Let your friend or family member call him or her once in a while
You have to be careful about applying this rule. When you ask your friend or family member to call or speak with your partner in a long distance relationship, you make him or her feel important. You give him or her impression that even though he or she is not around, you are crazy about him or her. You gave him or her impression that he or she is all you have even though he’s not around. Doing that has a way of boosting your partner’s trust in you.
9. When He’s in Doubt Prove That You are Saying the Truth
There will be times when your partner will doubt your words or claims for reasons best known to him or her never make the mistake of telling him that “if he doesn’t believe you, he can go to hell.” When you do such, you will heighten his doubt. Instead of acting that way, prove to him that what you are saying is the truth, except you actually lied or deceived him or her. Making effort to clear his doubts is a way to earn his trust.
10. Don’t Take Major Decision Without Informing Him or Her
One of the ways you can destroy trust is to make major decisions in your life without telling your partner. There are tales of couples doing things such a building a house, buying a land, taking loans without the knowledge of their partners. It is better to let him know ‘cause when he or she finds out, he may find it difficult to trust you. For example, he or she might just assume that if you could do those things behind him or her, how sure is he or she that you are not cheating on him. The end result will be nothing but mistrust.
11. Be Predictable
On a general note, if you want people to trust and believe in you, you must be predictable. Let your way of life be so clear that people can say what you can do and what you can’t do. You must have a clear personal philosophy that governs your life.
In a long distance relationship, the more your lifestyle is predictable, the more your chances of earning your partner’s trust and vice versa.
Over to You
What is your opinion about this list, and which other ways can one earn trust in a long distance relationship? Feel free to share your thought below.