4 Reasons You Should Stop Putting Your Hope and Trust in People


It is true that “man is a social animal, no man is Island.”  It is also an indisputable fact that we depend on people for virtually everything we do. Most often, our happiness and sadness depend largely on how we are treated by the people in our lives. Putting TOTAL hope and trust in people often lead to disappointment which can consequently generate negative emotions such as fear, anxiety, sadness, frustration and depression. 

In this article, you will learn how to develop a strong personality by learning not to put your absolute hope and trust in people. By these I am not saying you should stop trusting people. Trust is one of the pillars required to build a lasting relationship. However, one thing you should know is that trust is not a free gift that can just be offered to anyone. You should trust people not because you want to trust them, but because you have no choice but to trust them as a result of earning your trust through their display of integrity and character.The essence of this post is to help you attain self-reliance, and stop giving power to forces outside you. By so doing, you will be able to take charge of your life.

My observations about human behavior, and experiences obtained from interacting with people so far have taught me never to put my hope and trust in people. The four reasons you should stop putting your hope and trusts in people include the following:

1. People Often Fail in Keeping Their Promise: If you take an inventory of your life so far, you should be able to recount how someone promised you something and ended up not keeping the promise. When somebody is in the mood of ecstasy, he can promise you the whole world. Some people make promise with  the pure intention to help you, while others do so out of pure attempt to deceive or manipulate you. Irrespective of what their motive is, the issue of promise can be liken to the popular saying, “it is easier said than done." Making a promise is cheap, but fulfilling it is not.  It takes CHARACTER, to make a promise and fulfill it.

Accept people’s promises if they do, but never rely on them. Count the fulfillment of any promise made by anyone as a probability. Above all, always have a plan B for any promise you receive from anybody. Doing so will save you from unnecessary heartache.

2. No Such Thing as Permanent Friend:  Except for a person of great character who can stick with you through thick and thin, my observation about human behavior shows that there is no permanent friend, only permanent interest. We are always excited when we find out that someone really cares about us. They may give us gift, help us and praise us lavishly. All these happen because we still share the same interest. It is because you and the person still have a common ground. The moment there is a change in interest, and conditions that is keeping the person in your life, then expect a change in the person’s behavior. That is human nature for you. It takes a high level of MATURITY and CHARACTER to act otherwise. Many are men and women who claimed to love their partners, and sometimes even promise them their undying love, only for such people to change as soon as the condition that kept them in the person’s life changes.

This made me remember one line of Yoruba poem in one of the textbook I read in elementary school. It says, “the person who praises you and make you happy today, will one day come back to mock you.”  

Accept people for who they are. Don’t allow yourself to be moved by the care and praise of men (any human being). People stay in your life and do you good, not because of you, but because of themselves. These account for why the rich has so many friends while the poor has none or few.

3. No One Can Predict the Future: The future is not certain. No one can say exactly what will happen in the next moment. When you plan and make the outcome of your result to rest on somebody’s action or inaction, then you are putting yourself on a sinking sand.  Let me show two illustrations.

As an undergraduate you may have an uncle who occupies a top position in a multinational. He could have promised you that as soon as you graduate, you would not need to go through the stress of searching for job as he has made arrangement on fixing you up in your dream job. You will likely rest on such hope. But one thing we often fail to consider is the fact that, your uncle is a mortal. It is possible he dies even before you graduate. If he didn’t die, he could lose his job. Now when you rely so much on his promise and any of these happens, the outcome of your hope will be disappointment.

Another illustration is a case where in a family; one of the couple depends totally on the other for the means of livelihood. Every plan regarding family expenses and taking of the children is based on the income of one of the couple, most often, the father/husband. One other thing people fail to realize in this kind of situation is what will likely happen if the man dies or lose his job. The result will be regret and disappointment.

It is not a bad thing to rely on people, but as you do, you must learn to work out your own salvation so that you can stand on your own in case of any disappointment or failure on the part of the person you are relying on. I agree with the one who said, “human confidence is vanity.”

Mary Mary Schmich once wrote a column for the Chicago Tribune about a speech she would have liked to give to a graduating class. In her speech, she said,  “Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund; maybe you have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.”

Related: The Driver, the Vehicle and the Destination

4. You Will Save Yourself From Disappointment and Heartache: There are so many people who are living in regret today because of being disappointed by people they once put their hope and trust in. Disappointment comes from expectations. They way out is to stop expecting things from people. Believe in yourself, believe in God, and see all help from man as help from God. When people who are in the position to help you fail to, accept they are not the instrument life or God want to use to help you.

 Above all, believe in yourself, work hard and pay your dues, every other thing will fall in place in the fullness of time.

In conclusion, having  known that people are prone to failing in fulfilling their promises; you can make the world a better place by being part of those who always keep their words, those who love others unconditionally, and those who help without expecting any form of undue reward or compensation in return. Be a man of character, and make the world a better place for those around you.

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