Does long-term relationship works? Most people believe that the time invested in long-term relationship is not worth it. Against negative perception of long-term relationship, In this post, I will show you factors that makes long-term relationship work.
You must have heard tales of couples who dated for several years before they eventually tied the knot. I know personally a lot of people who met their wife during their undergraduate days, started dating and later got married after knowing each other for many years.
When I was an undergraduate, there was a popular opinion that was believed and accepted by the majority of students. The opinion is this : “campus relationship ends at the school gate.” The truth is that people who promote such assumption or opinion are not only naive, they also lack the knowledge and discipline required to build a long-term relationship. They are the people you see changing girlfriend/boyfriend like they are changing boxer shorts every now and then. They lack the commitment required to stay faithful and committed to just a single person. Their only idea of relationship is the gratification of sexual pleasure.
The focus of this article is to explore the factors that help long-term relationship to survive. By long-term relationship here, I am referring to couples are who courted for at least three year before they got married. I know people who were together for 5-8 years before getting married. You will say that was damn too long. Yeah, but they were able to sustain the relationship for that long and still end up getting married.
Having listened to and studied the stories of people who succeeded in building a long-term relationship, I have been able to narrow down the factors that help their relationship to survive to the following.
1. Knowing Exactly What You Want in a Relationship
If any relationship must survive on a long-term, both couple/lovers involve must know exactly what they want in the relationship. Some people just jump into relationship because their friends are into one. And some do it to boost their ego or to merely satisfy their sexual urge. Those are wrong reasons to get into a relationship. Knowing what you want in a relationship here means, having a genuine and valid reasons for going into a relationship. It means going into relationship with the intention of discovering someone you will likely spend the rest of your life with. Knowing what you want in a relationship also involve defining the qualities you want in your idea mate before getting into a relationship. When you have a genuine reason for getting involve in a relationship, you will make sacrifice to keep it. The corollary is also true.
Couples, who got married after so many years of being together, had a long-term perspective of their relationship. They admire each other, and have their goal to be, getting married to each other if all things work for their good.
2. True loveCouples who survives a long-term relationship have genuine love for each other. Love is a deep affection you have for a thing or a person. When you are deeply in love with a person, you will go extra mile to ensure that you keep them in your life.
3. CommitmentMost relationships fail to survive on a long-term due to lack of commitment. The human tendency to lust after things make it difficult to for people generally to remain committed to a single person. On daily basis, as you go out you tend to meet people who are more beautiful, or handsome than your girlfriend or boyfriend as the case maybe. These people may even have other better qualities than your lover. It is at this point that life always tests your level of discipline to know if you can really beat the obstacle on your path to achieve your goal. The truth is that so many persons failed at this point.
Couples who survive long-term relationship remain committed, they had all the options and freedom to shift base, but they chose to be disciplined, overcome distractions, and remain committed to their partner.
4. TransparencyThe average man is very jealous. We can easily lose our temper anytime we see situation that pose as a threat on our relationship, especially when we perceive that someone else is making effort to take our place in the life of the one we love. Transparency helps to reduce the effect of jealousy in a relationship and also help to promote trust.
I have met people who complain every now and then that the man or the woman in their life does not have any trust for them. If you are a victim of this, you have to get certain things right.
You see, trust is no one’s birthright, neither is it an inheritance that anyone can bequeath on you. If you must be trusted by anyone, you must earn it unless the person is a fool. You cannot continue to do things that are shady, questionable, and put a lot of question marks on the head of your partner and expect him or her to trust you 100%. “Love is a gift of nature, but trust must be earned.” To gain your partner’s trust all you need to do is be transparent. Transparency to me is allowing your partner to know about the things you do, how and why you do it. Also have it in mind that it is not enough to be transparent and sincere, you must live responsibly.Couples who survive a long-term relationship live transparent life with each other.
You cannot continue to do things that are shady, questionable, and put a lot of question marks on the head of your partner and expect him or her to trust you 100%. “Love is a gift of nature, but trust must be earned.”
5. TrustTrust is needed for long-term relationship to survive, and there can never be trust without transparency. One of the commonest reasons why breakup occur in a relationship is due lack of trust which is a direct result of lack of transparency. If you want your partner to trust you, then be transparent. “Let your yea be yea, and your nay be nay.”
6. FidelityFidelity simply means being faithful. No relationship can survive on a long-term without faithfulness, except it is an open relationship where partners are allowed to date and explore their sexuality with other people. Most relationship fails due to infidelity. The jealous nature of man does not permit infidelity. The moment a person discovers that his or her partner is unfaithful, trust is destroyed, and that may lead to the termination of the relationship.
Couples who survive long-term relationship remain faithful to each other through thick and thin.
No relationship can succeed without compromise. Most often, two persons in a relationship will always have disagreement or conflict over one issue or the other. In a case like this, if the relationship must continue, there must be a concession between the two parties. One person must accept that things be done in the way the other person wants it. If the couple cannot reach a concession together, that can result in the two of them going their separate ways. The bible put it better, “can two walk together except they agree?” I am sure you know the answer.
Couples who survive long-term relationship understand that compromise is a critical success factor in a relationship. They learn to compromise and allow things to be done in a certain way, though it may not be what they want. They have to give in to compromise to save their relationship.
"The inability of couples to reach concession over conflict is one of the reasons for relationship and marriage breakup.Couples who survive long-term relationship applies compromise to make it work."
8. MoneyMoney is one of the things that are needed for our daily living. No relationship can survive on a long-term without money. I once attended a seminar where the speaker talked on relationship. He made a statement that I can never forget. You will wonder what that statement was. He said, “FIANCÉE means FINANCES.” I agree so much with that statement. There are times where two persons who are in relationship go their separate way due to the inability of one of them, most often the man to meet up with the financial demand of the woman, and sometimes reverse maybe the case.
9. CommunicationOne of the key factors that help long-term relationship to survive is communication. Communication in relationship is not just about talking. It involves couple expressing their feelings to each other. When one of the couple in a relationship doesn’t feel okay about the way certain things are done in the relationship, but chose to remain silent about it, that may lead to inner anger, and resentment, which if harbor for a long time may cause a breakup in the relationship. With proper communication, couples can help their partner know areas they need to adjust. A responsible partner, who wants his /her relationship to succeed, will be willing to adjust. And when that is done, it will promote harmony in the relationship, which will consequently help the relationship to survive on a long-term.
In conclusion, if you are going to take the path of a long-term relationship, you must have it in your mind that you need the factors discussed in this post for your long-term relationship success. And if you are in a long term relationship already and it seems like the relationship is about to hit the rock, I want to believe that you are lagging behind in one or some of the points discussed in this post. Try to adopt them and save your relationship if you really want to get married to the man or the woman in your life.
Also if you are married, applying some of these factors can help you stay married for life.
Over to you
Long-term relationship is a wide concept, and a short article of this kind can’t cover its cope. What other factors do you think are needed for long-term relationship to survive? Do you agree with the points raised in this article? Do share your contribution and feedback using the comment box.
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